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One of the most common issues we face in our personal growth journeys is the constant battle with negative self-talk and lack of confidence. Recently, I received a heartfelt message from a community member that encapsulates this struggle perfectly:

“I’m in a mindset rut, lacking so much confidence and battling negative self-talk. Everyone around me praises my work, but I’m lacking the belief in myself to the point where I feel like I’m just existing. It’s so frustrating, and I’m trying to understand these feelings to work through them.”

Ladies, we’ve all been there. Even I, with all my experience, still face these challenges, especially when levelling up in my business. So, let’s dive into understanding and overcoming these limiting beliefs together.

Understanding the Root of Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk often stems from deep-rooted limiting beliefs formed during our childhood. These beliefs create a narrative in our subconscious, which, like a well-organized filing system, pulls out past memories and reactions whenever we face similar emotions or situations.

Our bodies respond to feelings not just emotionally but physically. This somatic response triggers memories stored in our subconscious, leading us to react based on past experiences. These automatic reactions are our body’s way of protecting us, but they also keep us stuck in a cycle of negativity.

Breaking the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk

To break free from this cycle, we need to understand and address these limiting beliefs at their core. Here’s a step-by-step process to help you work through these feelings and build lasting confidence:

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Start by recognizing the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs you’re experiencing. Write them down as they come up. For example, if you feel you lack confidence, note down specific thoughts like “I’m not good enough to do this” or “I don’t deserve success.”
  2. List Out Your Negative Beliefs: Aim to list at least 20 negative stories you tell yourself. This exhaustive list helps you dig deep and uncover all the layers of negativity. If you can, push for another 10 to ensure you’ve covered everything.
  3. Challenge Each Belief: Pretend you’re in a courtroom defending yourself against these beliefs. For each negative thought, ask why it exists. Why do you think you’re not confident? What proof do you have that supports this belief? Continue this process until you realize there is no valid reason for these limiting beliefs.
  4. Rewrite Your Story: Once you’ve exhausted your negative thoughts, start rewriting your narrative. Focus on positive affirmations and truths. For example, “I am capable and deserving of success,” or “I am confident in my abilities.”
  5. Engage in Positive Action: Confidence builds through action. Start taking small steps towards your goals, even if you don’t feel completely ready. Each action reinforces your new positive beliefs and helps build momentum.

I recently guided a client through this process. Initially resistant, she listed 22 negative beliefs before hitting a breakthrough. She got fed up with her own victim mentality and started writing why she was good enough. This shift in perspective is powerful and transformative.

Remember, ladies, healing is a journey, and it happens in layers. Be patient with yourself. Each layer you peel back brings you closer to your true, confident self.

I invite you to share your experiences in the comments. What negative beliefs are you struggling with? Let’s support each other in this journey. 

Remember, you are not alone, and every step you take towards self-improvement is a victory.

I invite you to share this blog with someone else who needs to hear this.


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